A Hall of Fame Performance

One nonsense stunt sports sites do

Exaggerates the greatness

Of a peculiar stat line

By showing how few cases

Of that exact line have been

Achieved by prior players—

So-and-so is just the third

Player ever to have more

Than a dozen dinks, three flurfs,

Four woggles, and six gimmes

In the first half of a match!

You could do this with your life—

However little you earned,

No matter you never won,

No matter your lack of fame—

First, take away all the lives

Shorter than yours, and, of those,

Cross out any with no kids,

And of those, remove any

That never visited more

Than at least twenty nations,

Never married at least three

Spouses on two continents,

Never dropped out of college,

Never finished at least three

Advanced degrees, never saw

More than one solar eclipse,

So on and so forth, ending

With your rarest rarity,

Whatever that is for you,

Say, arriving in the world

With a unique mutation,

Say, breaking a hundred bones

Or more. And now, look! No one,

Or maybe just two or three

People before you, ever

Achieved your stat line of life,

That exceptional a life,

As frail, anonymous you!