Begging Air

Plenty to live for,
Not enough to live with—
Plentiful reasons,
Not enough resources.

The body wants an end to pain.
The medical collectors
Want each their own payment plan.
You want your daughter not to suffer.

She curls up next to you
As you nap on the daybed, or try to.
Her physical presence at your side
Comforts you and scares you.

What will happen to her, her life
With her pet cats, her bedroom
She spends hours decorating,
Her schooling, without you?

How long can her grandparents last?
How much can she expect
Of her even poorer, self-absorbed,
Desert-dwelling, rules-eschewing mother?

You think of all the life histories you know
Of variously well-known people
That included the grim early loss
Of a seemingly essential parent.

She might make it through. She could.
But you don’t want her to have to.
She’s plenty to live for. You beg the air
For the resources to live for her.